I love autumn but I don’t like the feeling this season is giving me this time. I like being alone, I feel independent. But lately, since the start of the cold season, the atmosphere inside my room is gloomy. Sometimes I feel like the last leaf on a branch. I often try to engage with different activities but still at the end of the day, I am alone.
I’ve been away from my family and been living alone for almost a decade now. But I can’t understand why this so-called thing homesickness is visiting me once again. Or maybe, just maybe, I am a stranger to my own self now. Talking to the mirror just worsen things. So I think I better talk with myself. Am I expecting to be crazy soon? Not really. Its just the season.
I’ve been away from my family and been living alone for almost a decade now. But I can’t understand why this so-called thing homesickness is visiting me once again. Or maybe, just maybe, I am a stranger to my own self now. Talking to the mirror just worsen things. So I think I better talk with myself. Am I expecting to be crazy soon? Not really. Its just the season.
Solitary
The cold breeze starts to bite,
whispers omens and premonitions;
paints abstract on my mind
A hammock sways
lulled by the autumn draft.
Beside, a coffee cup sleeps
while its smoke pales into vacuity.
The jagged walls hide
my reflection,
even the shadow of mine
doubts my existence.
I locked myself up
and accept no visitors.
I wanted to be alone
in a labyrinth of fantasies
and nightmares.
/totomai
The cold breeze starts to bite,
whispers omens and premonitions;
paints abstract on my mind
A hammock sways
lulled by the autumn draft.
Beside, a coffee cup sleeps
while its smoke pales into vacuity.
The jagged walls hide
my reflection,
even the shadow of mine
doubts my existence.
I locked myself up
and accept no visitors.
I wanted to be alone
in a labyrinth of fantasies
and nightmares.
/totomai
The cold season will continue until April or May (including winter and spring), but I hope I will recover fast from these poignant musings autumn brings. But hey, I still love autumn and it will never change.
All I am wishing now is to get rid of this ‘stranger’ totomai taking out some of my persona every time I close the door of my apartment.
Senseless entry, eh? Blame it to jet lag and again autumn.
All I am wishing now is to get rid of this ‘stranger’ totomai taking out some of my persona every time I close the door of my apartment.
Senseless entry, eh? Blame it to jet lag and again autumn.
/totomai
11/15/08
I love your blog lay out.
ReplyDeleteAnd I really connected with your latest post.
I haven't been living away for a decade, but I've been gone for a year and a half.
I'm an American living in Korea, and many times I feel alone, especially when I come home to an empty apartment every night.
Anyways, keep it real :)
Thanks Ray!
ReplyDeleteI think most of us, working abroad or far from our family and loved ones, experienced this kind of feeling.
I was there last night :-)
perhaps the oncoming season is what brings us to our own stranger feelings....great layout! :)
ReplyDeleteWhen far from family and friends, even in the states, I often felt alone, especially on a cold winter night. Nice piece.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Ray, your layout is awesome. I love the photographs. This entry was very effective with the prose, photography, and poetry. Loved it!
ReplyDeletebeautiful blog! I'm a constant traveller too, so I know how you feel.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to this post. I haven't lived in UK since the second millenium, and sometimes it feels like a thousand years ago.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, you were never alone. You chose to wallow in your own skin. Get loose, man! Sige ka may monster sa room mo. Hala!!!
ReplyDeleteWe all feel homesick sometimes even when we're at home. You did a great job of capturing that feeling.
ReplyDeleteYou did a fine job of defining that 'dying' feeling that oftentimes assails me in the autumn. Stranger. Yes. Very nice work!
ReplyDelete@sis, yup, i know and its strange haha. thanks for liking the lay out
ReplyDelete@b roan, i know the feeling especially if im too lazy to go out
@sunshine, thanks.
@lilly, sometimes i hate traveling already haha
@stan, seconded. its like centuries for me
@mariale, haha takot lang ng monster dito sa akin
@linda, oh really, i havent experienced that yet
@tumblewords, thanks. i know it will be over soon
tukayo, you may have passed the stage of what they call Quarter Life Crisis, but there is still this Mid-life Crisis. Someone sent me the article. i'm just looking for it in my email inbox(es). will share it to you when i find it. baka yun yung nararamdaman mo. LOL. talagang dapat MID-LIFE na eh, ano? hahaha
ReplyDeletetukayo, ganun ba yun? haha. bata pa pala ko nag sisimula na akong mag midlife crisis haha
ReplyDeletesalamat
Beautiful poetry, I know you changed the tense on the last stanza on purpose, but I think it may work even better in the present tense!
ReplyDeleteOh yes, I did it intentionally but yeah, your suggestion makes sense. thanks.
ReplyDeleteuy! emo post! di bagay! heheheh
ReplyDeleteatty pagbigyan mo na :D
ReplyDeletethe cold breeze has indeed started to bite! love your post and poem..
ReplyDelete-i feel thee as i had a recent bout of homesickness; i gave in and i'm currently at my parents- happy for the time ;)
thats good to hear doe :-) enjoy your stay with your family
ReplyDeleteThat was a great entry.
ReplyDeleteThanks Amanda
ReplyDelete